Managing Holiday Expectations: A Guide to Emotional Wellness

By Gerald Loren Fishkin, Ph.D.

As the holiday season approaches, the familiar scents of pine, the sparkle of lights, and the sounds of festive music fill the air. Yet, for many, this season can bring mixed emotions. Amid the joy and celebration, feelings of stress, sadness, and financial worry—sometimes referred to as the “holiday blues”—can creep in. The good news? You’re not alone, and there are ways to navigate these challenges while finding peace and joy in the season.

The Myth of the Perfect Holiday

Movies, advertisements, and social media often paint a picture of perfect family gatherings, beautifully wrapped gifts, and flawless celebrations. But the truth is, no holiday is perfect—and that’s okay. As I often see in my clinical practice, many of us carry childhood memories of magical holidays, but as adults, the season can turn into a whirlwind of planning, spending, and responsibilities.

Unrealistic expectations are the root of much holiday stress.  As a clinician, I believe it is important to set realistic goals and focus on what truly matters: connection, kindness, and moments of joy.

Rethink Gift-Giving: A Financially Savvy Season

Gift-giving is a cherished tradition, but it doesn’t have to lead to financial strain. Consider personal touches like homemade gifts, heartfelt letters, or acts of service. A thoughtful, meaningful gift doesn’t need a big price tag. Setting a budget ensures the joy of the holidays extends beyond the season, free from the worry of debt.

Acknowledging Solitude and Loss

For some, the holidays can heighten feelings of loneliness or remind us of loved ones who are no longer here. If you’re feeling alone, reaching out to friends, joining community events, or volunteering can be uplifting. Giving back not only helps others but can also provide a sense of connection and purpose. Remember, it’s okay to feel sadness during the holidays—acknowledging your emotions is a vital step toward healing.

Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Holiday stress might tempt some to turn to excess—whether in food, alcohol, or spending—as a quick fix. Instead, try healthier alternatives to manage your stress. A brisk walk, spending time in nature, or enjoying a quiet evening with a good book can work wonders. And if challenges around substance use arise, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Navigating Family Dynamics

Family gatherings are a hallmark of the season, but they can also come with emotional complexities. If tensions arise, give yourself permission to set boundaries and take breaks when needed. Introducing new activities, like a group game or shared cooking projectS, can create lighter, more joyful moments.

Celebration on Your Terms

The holidays can be overwhelming with invitations and obligations. Remember, it’s okay to say no. Prioritize the events and activities that bring you joy and ensure you reserve time to relax and recharge. A season of selective celebration can be far more meaningful than a packed schedule.

Facing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

For those affected by shorter days and less sunlight, the winter season can bring additional challenges. Light therapy, spending time outdoors, and maintaining a routine can help mitigate the effects of SAD. If these feelings persist, seeking support from a mental health professional can be invaluable.

The Power of New Traditions

Not every tradition needs to be upheld, especially if it brings more stress than joy. Consider creating new ones—whether it’s a cozy movie night, a virtual gathering with friends, or a solo evening with a favorite book and cup of tea. The most meaningful traditions are the ones that bring happiness and connection.

Mindfulness and Gratitude

Practicing gratitude can transform your holiday experience. By focusing on the small joys—a heartfelt conversation, the first snowfall, or the warmth of a shared meal—you can discover the magic in the present moment. Mindfulness doesn’t just enhance your holiday season; it helps anchor you amid life’s many demands.

Seeking Professional Support

If feelings of sadness or stress become overwhelming, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. As a psychologist with over fifty years of clinical experience, it is my firm belief that seeking help is a brave and proactive step toward well-being. It’s okay to ask for support. Our mental health is just as important as our physical health.

The Heart of the Holidays

The true spirit of the holiday season isn’t found in perfectly wrapped presents or elaborate celebrations. It’s in the laughter shared, the connections nurtured, and the acts of kindness extended. By focusing on what truly matters—love, gratitude, and self-care—you can create a holiday season that is fulfilling and joyful.

This year, let’s embrace the beauty of imperfection, the warmth of connection, and the power of simplicity. Wishing you and your loved ones a season filled with peace, happiness, and cherished memories.

© Copyright 2024 by Gerald Loren Fishkin, Ph.D.

    All Rights Reserved.

Dr. Gerald L. Fishkin is a psychotherapist, award winning author and lecturer with a full-time clinical practice on Naples Island,  Long Beach, California.